Homework Anyone???

Well, I can now safely say that as a schoolteacher I have seen it all.

What was today’s homework assignment???

Is the suspense killing you yet?

Homework Assignment for Friday, February 10, 2012:

• Collect a stool sample.

No, I am not kidding (or exaggerating as my husband often accuses me of doing)…. not even a little bit.

Disclaimer: I will now fully admit that I am basing this knowledge purely on what I have seen and in my direct experience, so these are merely my personal observations, and as always, I may totally be wrong.

That being said, it seems that one of the important pieces of the nationalized healthcare system here in Taiwan is prevention.  Quite smart, I would say.  It appears that one way they do this is to use the public school system as a venue for periodically checking the health of the nation’s youth by performing mandatory physicals and checkups.  A few weeks back, the students in grades one and four received notice that they were to be given a routine physical that included a dental checkup as well.  The parents were given the option of having it done free of charge by a team of doctors from a local hospital who came to the school for the day, or having it done by a physician of choice.  As far as I could tell, they had to have it done, but it was up to them as to when and where.  My students seemed to find it normal, but the new girl from the States was caught off guard a bit.  One of the boys said, “Oh man, is this where I have to pull down my pants and they look at my xiao niao???” 

(Literally translated xiao niao means “little bird”, but of course this is not what he meant. J)

Needless to say, this comment did not set my student from the U.S. at ease. 

Today, I was brought a stack of packets to go home with instructions (complete with illustrations) on how to take your own stool sample.  Inside the packet were two slips of plastic with a BULLS EYE in the middle of each.  Even though the instructions were in Chinese, I had no trouble figuring out what to do.  I do not wish to be terribly graphic, but my favorite illustration was the baby squatting down, finger on the bulls eye, sticking his finger where the proverbial sun rarely shines. 

The tests are to be conducted this weekend and turned into ME on Monday.

Pardon me…did you say that I am to collect them???? 

(Please insert hint of sarcastic here)

Umm…I don’t believe this was written in the job description when I signed the contract.

One of the administrators in the office told me that it was probably best to have a plastic bag handy so that they could just drop them in and I wouldn’t have to touch them directly.  Boy oh boy, I can’t wait until Monday morning! 

The best part was when I was handing out the packets; I failed to notice that each one had a name sticker on it… because they were in Chinese!  Luckily, one of my students noticed that she had someone else’s before all of the kids left for the day.  I cannot imagine what Monday would have been like if the kids had to swap stool samples in order to match them up with the correct name.  Phew!

Next week’s homework is of course… urine samples!  I get to distribute the little cups and collect them as well.  I can’t wait to update my resume with all of the new skills that I am acquiring in the field of education.

So yes, I am having a bit of fun with my descriptions, but I must say that it seems quite intelligent as far as preventive healthcare goes.  If a child has potential health problems, they are caught sooner rather than later.

My personal children were of course relieved that they did not have to do this particular piece of homework.  

I, on the other hand, wait anxiously to see what riveting new school assignments await me.